Remember to smile :)

I've always considered myself a strong and patient woman.  I've always thought I handled stress really well.  I've never been so challenged in my life until I had Lauren.  I love her with all that I have.  She and her sister, consume my heart and everything about me.  But I'll tell you what, I've never cried more than I have in the last eleven months.  I've never felt so alone as I have in the last eleven months.  I began to feel like a robot that was just going through the motions of the day.  Up at 6 am, drink some coffee, girls up at 7 am and start my day....  the only thing that would change was which appointment we had to be at that day.  Most single mom's at least have family to help them out with the children.  I don't have that luxury.  I'm doing it all alone!  I do get help from our nurse and from a few friends, but most of the time, I still feel very alone.  I go to bed each night wondering if there are any other parents out there going through exactly what I am going through.

Now I realize that I am strong and I have learned a lot about life, and a lot about myself.  I am an advocate for my baby girl and that means something.  I have been raising both of my girls on my own as well as having one of them be disabled.  I am raising her to the best of my abilities.  I do research all the time, I keep in touch with all of her physicians and keep everything organized. 

I've had to remember to smile each and every day, even thru the tears.  It's all worth it at the end of the day when they both look at me and give me hugs and kisses.  Lindsey tells me how much she loves me and Lauren shows it.  Lauren makes progress every day and that is something to smile about.  For every step forward, we usually take two steps backward, but we keep going.